Moral Relativist Slams Murder As ‘Highly Undesirable’

KANSAS CITY, MO—Self-described agnostic and moral relativist Carl Horton has issued a scathing critique of the concept of murder, claiming the practice is “highly undesirable” and “not what I’d choose for myself,” sources confirmed Monday.

The elaborate argument, published on Horton’s blog, argues that the very idea of murder “makes me feel bad” and that it’s “not optimal,” further positing that those who murder aren’t living out their full human potential.

“The practice of killing another human is, simply put, not ideal,” he wrote. “And I’m sorry to use such strong language, but murder is flat-out not the most favorable outcome in most situations.”

Horton’s blog attracted attention from other agnostic scholars, who agreed with the gist of his missive, but criticized his hard stance on murder.

“He’s right in that murder isn’t optimal,” one fellow agnostic wrote, “But let’s try to steer clear of judgmental language like ‘highly undesirable.’ That’s just a little too far for my tastes.”

At publishing time, Horton had written another blog post criticizing historical examples of genocide as “not the most advantageous situations.”