Millions Depart Louisville After Completing Pilgrimage To T4G

LOUISVILLE, KY—An Evangelical sea flooded the city streets Thursday as untold millions of Christians made their way from the KFC Yum! Center to hotels, parking garages, and the Louisville International Airport after successfully completing their holy pilgrimage to the Together for the Gospel conference.

The biennial mass gathering, which occurs during the second week of the fourth month of the Gregorian calendar, is a mandatory religious duty which must be carried out at least once in the lifetime of all Evangelical Christian adults who are physically and financially capable of completing the journey.

Pouring into Louisville early this week, the multitude of faithful began performing the sacred rituals associated with the trek to T4G—each Christian walks counter-clockwise around the KFC Yum! Center seven times, runs back-and-forth between the KFC Yum! Center and Louisville Slugger Field, drinks an IPA from Bluegrass Brewing (root beer is also considered acceptable), goes to the Louisville Riverwalk to stand in vigil, spends a night at the Louisville Waterfront Park, and performs a symbolic ‘stoning of the devil’ by throwing rocks at the Cathedral of the Assumption, before settling into their seats for three days of fellowship and teaching from some of the world’s foremost Evangelical leaders.

The massive conference comes to a close before the sun sets on the fifth day of the week, after the pilgrims perform musical numbers and end with a farewell ritual, circling the KFC Yum! Center seven more times before making their way home.