Megachurch Introduces New Jesus-Free Salvation Package

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—In a bold move designed to take their growing church to the next level, a team of vision pastors at Lakeside Community Church announced Monday the church would now be offering a full salvation package completely free of a Savior.

The deal includes full access to church functions and fun events, as well as promised entry into the new heaven and new earth, all without ever having to surrender your life to Christ.

“No strings attached: you get to go to heaven, and you don’t even have to bother with that Jesus character,” the church’s head visioneering pastor said in a video posted to the church’s website. “It’s absolutely the best of both worlds: you get to enjoy the very best the world has to offer and still get your foot in the door just in case hell is real.”

According to the pastor, Lakeside Community Church experts worked for years to create the exciting new salvation offering, finally perfecting the formula that would allow people to feel like Christians but not have to deal with any repentance from sins or progressive sanctification.

“It’s like Paul says in the book of Romans: ‘Should we continue in sin so that grace may abound? Absolutely!'” the pastor said with a chuckle to close out the promotional video promising an all new Christianity without Jesus.

The salvation package will be on offer through the end of the year, with the church promising to extend the promo if it proves to be as popular as they think it will.