Mark Zuckerberg Gives Mandatory Lecture On Community Standards From Nation’s Telescreens

U.S.—The nation was given a mandatory lecture on proper etiquette and community standards by Mark Zuckerberg Tuesday. The speech, which spelled out what is acceptable speech and what is unacceptable speech, was broadcast on the telescreens installed in every home and larger ones strategically placed on various buildings throughout each American city.

Zuckerberg pointed out the need for compliance and conformity to Facebook’s strict community rules as hundreds of millions looked on under the watchful eye of Facebook’s thought police.

“And that’s why we can’t post anything that violates our community standards. Remember, preventing thoughtcrime starts with you,” Zuckerberg finished, before the audience watching from the nation’s various town squares and their own homes gave a round of rousing applause that went on for fifteen minutes.

At publishing time, witnesses had confirmed the Facebook CEO and arbiter of the nation’s speech had provided examples of pages that are now considered bigots, giving way to angry screams and wild jeering from the audience during a mandatory “hour of hate.”