DRAPER, VA—Local man Brian Reed was startled Monday to learn from an internet search that the black letters in his Bible are every bit as authoritative as the red letters.
“I could have sworn the words of Jesus were, like, extra inspired,” he explained to sources. “Except for Revelation 2 and 3. He sounds a little peeved there.”
“Shoot, I even returned a Bible to Family Christian one time after realizing there were no red letters in it. I totally thought it was defective.”
Reed, who recently completed a Red-Letters-In-A-Year reading plan for the third year in a row, admits he is intimidated by the implications of his discovery. “Man, I’m really going to have to buckle down and get reading. I can’t believe the Son of God has spoken to me in 62 other books.”
Reflecting on the apparent God-breathed authority of black letters long avoided, Reed was solemn. “I can’t believe I’m saying this as a follower of Jesus, but I guess I have to obey the words of Paul too. I’ve heard rumors that he’s a little harsh.”
“Pray for me,” he added.