SOMERSET, PA—Multiple sources are confirming that local man Joshua Dennis has become a CrossFitter and refrained from informing anyone.
A growing chorus of neighbors, coworkers, and friends is confirming the startling report.
It all began when Sean Dove, 29, spotted his friend Joshua Dennis exiting a local CrossFit box (what the uninitiated call a “gym”) early Saturday morning. “When I saw him I was confused. I thought, ‘I didn’t know Josh does CrossFit,’” Dove explained to reporters. “I double-checked his Facebook wall, but couldn’t find any indication that he’s better than everyone else.”
“I knew Josh was waking up earlier to exercise, but I somehow had no idea he was a real live CrossFitter,” Dennis’s roommate Mark Shreckhise added. “Will CrossFit even let you join without swearing to alert other sentient life? If so, that’s news to me.”