RICHMOND, VA—Feeling moved by Pastor Jim’s clear presentation of the gospel Sunday morning, local man Jorge Fernandez reportedly summoned his courage, rose to his feet, and attempted to walk down the aisle in order to receive Christ, but was unable to find his way due to the thick layer of manufactured mist billowing from the church’s expensive array of fog machines.
Witnesses peering through the murky cloud later confirmed that Fernandez walked around the sanctuary in a circle, nearly fell into the baptismal, then headed the complete opposite direction of the stage, before poking his head into the church’s sound room to ask for directions.
“Is this where I receive Christ?” Fernandez asked the tech guy, barely making out his silhouette in the midst of the foggy gloom. “I think I got turned around near the Lord’s Supper table.”
Fernandez reportedly walked the room in a stupor for nearly an hour, long after regular churchgoers had filtered out the room and begun eating lunch at various area restaurants.
“There’s always next week to try to find your way to the front to receive Jesus,” Pastor Jim told Fernandez after the service. “Next time, just stumble in the general direction of the wild laser light show and you won’t go wrong.”