Man Anxiously Awaiting Late-Night Shows So He Can Learn What To Think About Day’s Political News

SAN DIEGO, CA—As a self-described “news junkie,” Jeff Clark, 29, takes in a lot of information daily. Confirming to reporters that today was no exception, he reported how anxiously he is awaiting tonight’s lineup of late-night shows, so he can learn from the hosts what to think about today’s political news, and how to respond to it.

“Some heavy stuff went down today,” the restless account manager told reporters. “I think I know how I feel about most of it, but I won’t be sure until I hear what Fallon, Colbert, and Kimmel have to say tonight.”

“Oh man, I’ve got all these Facebook statuses to reply to. Tonight can’t get here quickly enough,” he confirmed, adding that the networks should really run these shows in the early evening.

To kill time before the shows air, Clark busied himself refreshing TMZ’s website to see if any of his most trusted celebrities had opined on the day’s events.