‘If Only You Loved Jesus As Much As You Love Baseball,’ Laments Unbelievably Spiritual Man

LOS ANGELES, CA—Local theological prodigy and advanced thinker Brian Woods reportedly made an unbelievably deep spiritual observation Tuesday as he pointed out that a baseball fan’s enthusiasm for the sport would be better used in service of Christ.

Woods, 29, came to the philosophical breakthrough as he scrolled down his Facebook feed and spotted a post lamenting the Los Angeles Angels’ slow start to the season. “Come on, [Mike] Scioscia! Get it together! Let’s go Halos!” the post reportedly read, apparently encouraging the baseball club’s manager to improve his team’s performance.

While the online message seemed innocuous to most, Woods recognized an opportunity for a reformation that would rival Martin Luther’s.

Cracking his knuckles and plumbing the depths of theological insight gained from his extensive studies in books like David Platt’s Radical and Francis Chan’s Crazy Love, Woods fired off the shot that may just revolutionize evangelical thinking: “If only you loved Jesus as much as you love baseball, and thought about Heaven’s angels as much as you think about L.A.’s!!! What would the world look like if we put our enthusiasm into things that actually matter??” The statement was followed with a scathing smiley with its tongue sticking out.

At publishing time, Woods was boldly suffering persecution in the form of several Facebook acquaintances challenging him to “lighten up.”