Lost Visitor Wanders Megachurch Campus For 40 Years

SAN DIEGO, CA—If you thought the Israelites had it bad walking around the desert in circles for decades, get a load of this guy: Jake Halpert visited Shady Hills Community Church in the autumn of 1977, and only just found the sanctuary this past Sunday.

Halpert parked his Firebird Formula in the church’s five-story parking garage and immediately walked the wrong direction, mistaking the church’s gym and athletic facilities for the worship center, according to reports from the unkempt wanderer. He then somehow found his way around the back of the building to an entrance to the church’s basement, the labyrinthine corridors of which he roamed for the remainder of Jimmy Carter’s presidency.

“I kept getting turned around near the sauna,” he told the church’s greeter as he finally entered the promised service forty years later. “I finally managed to ask for directions at the Shady Hills Cafe & Grill, but they told me to make a left near the statue of the pastor instead of a right, or else I would have made it into the service sometime around ’95.”

Sadly, Halpert arrived at the service just after the sermon concluded, and was only able to experience the closing worship song, during which half the church was leaving to get to lunch early anyway.

At publishing time, Halpert was seen wandering the campus in search of his car in order to finally return home.