Local Ten-Year-Old Names, Claims Tripled Allowance

TOLEDO, OH—Ten-year-old Jacob Riley is putting his faith into action and believing God for a threefold increase in his weekly allowance, sources reported Tuesday.

“I’m just laying claim to the material blessings that belong to me in Christ,” explained the fifth grader, echoing the beliefs his parents have discussed in front of him countless times.

“God didn’t create me to be average, to just get by,” Riley, flanked by his parents, explained to reporters. “He created me to prosper, to succeed, to dream big, to be above average. I’m no ordinary Joe; I’m a child of the most high God, and my heavenly Father does not desire for me to live in lack.”

The boy’s parents, while proud of their son, admitted that this new claim of faith might strain their finances a bit. “When we instituted his allowance last year, we were thinking of three or five dollars per week, but he informed us that he was laying claim to fifty,” noted Jacob’s father, Mike. “So his allowance is already substantial. Upping it to a hundred and fifty a week—man, that’s six hundred a month—ugh. Wow. We might have to discuss this a bit, son.”

The ten-year-old’s faith remains unshaken. “Jesus already earned my tripled allowance—it’s already mine,” he reminded his father. “I just have to lay claim to it in Jesus’s name, just like you and mom always talk about.”

At publishing time, the boy was looking at his visibly-tense father while wondering aloud why he shouldn’t dream even bigger, perhaps for a tenfold boost.