Local Pastor Hoping Curling Metaphors Go Over Big This Sunday

DESTIN, FL—According to sources close to Pastor Richard Wilkins of New Life Church, the 58-year-old preacher spent most of the week working hard on shoehorning a barrage of illustrations drawing on the sport of curling into his Sunday morning sermon.

Wilkins is “betting big” on the variety of illustrations that pull from curling terms and historic curling match-ups to connect the gospel to real life situations.

“Just as the curling broom shapes the ice for the stone, so the Holy Spirit softens our hearts to receive the true Cornerstone,” Wilkins murmured as he furiously typed illustration after illustration into his message draft. “Perfect.” Wilkins also found further connections to the gospel, like comparing the way the stones sometimes fall short of the target to how mankind often falls short of God’s perfect standard, and holding up Canada’s typical curling dominance as an example of “running the race set before us.”

Though the pastor had never watched curling before the 2018 Winter Olympics, he found himself marathoning game after game of the bizarre ice sport in order to become an expert in the rules and play, so that he could sound relevant in his upcoming sermon. Wilkins was also seen browsing the Wikipedia entry for the sport as part of his extensive research, sources confirmed late in the week.

At publishing time, Pastor Wilkins was reflecting on the rich gospel metaphors found in Shaun White’s dramatic gold medal victory in the Men’s Halfpipe event.