FRANKLIN, MA—Unable to hide his surprise and delight about the fact, local man Kevin Maxwell recently confirmed that his drinking problem is still successfully disguised as a craft beer hobby.
“Ten years ago I wouldn’t have had this opportunity,” Maxwell noted to sources. “But we live in a special time, when a guy—and not just any guy, but a Christian guy embedded in a local church body—can have a serious, ongoing drinking problem, and can successfully hide it behind the guise of an innocent craft beer hobby he shares with his brothers and sisters in Christ.”
Maxwell further explained that while he drinks nearly every day and is technically probably an alcoholic, in his church he is playfully known as a “beer snob.” In fact, one of the many places he enjoys imbibing is at a local bar during regular get-togethers with fellow church members, during which they drink expensive, high-alcohol-content beer while discussing a variety of topics like theology, sports, politics, and expensive, high-alcohol-content beer.
“It’s really something. If I were drinking Natty Ice or Five O’clock Vodka like I drink microbrews, my pastor would probably be staging an intervention. But because I call myself a ‘beer enthusiast’ and I drink Imperial IPAs and Vanilla Stouts, he’s texting me for beer recommendations.”
“How long will this last? I don’t know,” he added. “But one thing’s for sure—my drinking problem and I are going to ride this convenient wave of delicious craft beer as long as it lets us.”