Local Man Still On Track To Finish Reading Entire Bible By End Of This Century

VANCOUVER, WA—Following an intensive reading plan that calls for him to read a few verses of Scripture “weekly at a minimum or whenever the mood strikes,” local man Ray Sutton, 41, is reportedly still right on track to complete a full reading of the Bible by the end of this century.

“I’m excited and, I’ll admit, a little surprised that I’ve been able to keep up like this,” Sutton told reporters Monday, adding that his last attempt to read through the Bible didn’t even last a month. “But that was one of those twenty-year plans—way too aggressive if you ask me.”

Key elements of his self-made “Sutton Century Plan” include reading illustrated paraphrases of verses he scrolls by on Instagram, following along in his Bible app at church whenever the pastor reads passages aloud, and occasionally catching the “Verse of the Day” segment on his local Christian radio station affiliate.

According to Sutton, “I just love hiding the Word of God in my heart, so I can’t wait for the year 2099, when I’ll have finished the entire thing from cover to cover.” Sutton also noted there’s a chance he could complete the feat by some time in the mid-2090s if HBO and Showtime stop releasing such excellent shows.