EL PASO, TX—Local man Matt Jimenez thought he was just ordering lunch when he popped into his local Subway sandwich store Monday, but now fears he may have ended up with more than just the 6-inch Italian BMT he ordered.
According to sources, after talking his sandwich artist through his choices of cheese, vegetables, and condiments, an unsuspecting Jimenez happily paid for his sandwich, not noticing that the total was exactly $6.66—an ominous sign that the end of the world is at hand.
When the frightened man realized what had happened, he frantically began conducting web searches on his smartphone, and leading prophecy websites seemed to verify his concerns—and the foreboding results of his purchase.
“Why did I have to add the chips and drink?” a distraught Jimenez noted to coworkers upon returning to his workplace. “It’s time to make sure you’re right with Jesus, everyone. The end is here!”
“Have you ever told a lie?” he hurriedly quizzed his fellow employees, whom he had corralled into the conference room, before taking them through a quick gospel presentation.
“If I’m not here tomorrow, guys, check out the Left Behind DVDs that are in my desk drawer—they will explain everything.” he added, before dashing out of the office and speeding home, according to sources.
At publishing time, Jimenez was able to confirm the sandwich tasted OK at first, but soon caused his stomach to turn, leading to approximately seven hours of digestive tribulation, as he spent the afternoon watching for apocalyptic signs from the heavens.