SHEBOYGAN, WI—Local father of three Adam Paulson is reportedly looking forward to spending another nice, relaxing Christmas holiday assembling all the gifts that everybody else in his family received, sources confirmed Thursday.
Just this week, Paulson reportedly told his coworkers how much he needs a break from his high-stress office job in order to spend hours on end building bicycles, electric scooters, plastic Power Wheels vehicles, and IKEA furniture.
“I especially like building things with vague instructions and hundreds of nearly identical parts,” he said, fondly thinking of the quality time he’d be spending with his kids’ unassembled toys as they enjoyed their other Christmas presents and impatiently waited for him to finish. “And when the manufacturer includes a cheap wrench you can’t get any kind of leverage on whatsoever, it’s like Christmas magic at my home.”
Paulson also stated that he’s greatly anticipating his time searching every drawer in the house for a variety of oddball battery sizes in order to power his kids’ new electronic toys and devices they would inevitably forget about anyway a few hours later.
“Trying to find eight charged-up ‘D’ batteries is the true meaning of Christmas,” he said.