Local Elf On The Shelf Repents Of Pharisaic Legalism

STEVENS POINT, WI—After sitting motionless as his host family held a devotional on the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, local Elf on the Shelf “Benny” reportedly broke down Monday, quietly sobbing as he repented of his life of pharisaic legalism.

“O wretched elf that I am!” Benny was overheard crying from his spot overlooking the family, where he had previously judged each child’s actions, keeping a legalistic record of good deeds and bad deeds.

“Having kept the law and pointed out the faults of others for so many years has done nothing to justify me before God. Only a broken and contrite spirit is what the Lord desires.”

“He alone can justify—I realize that now,” Benny said to no one in particular as he prepared to make his nightly flight back to the North Pole, where he’d be expected to provide a detailed report of the good and bad things the children had done that day. “But who am I to judge? For I myself do the same things!”

As Benny began to understand that his list of good deeds would do nothing to justify him before the Father, he realized he could no longer go on as a professionally employed judge of others, and reportedly began preparing a letter of resignation to tender to Santa Claus.