Local Church Votes To Repeal Worship Band’s Drum Set Without Replacing

HALF SPRINGS, MO—First Baptist Church narrowly voted to “repeal and not replace” a measure that had approved the installation of a controversial new drum set on the church’s stage, sources from inside an 8-hour-long leadership team meeting confirmed Thursday.

The drum kit was totally repealed and taken outside the church, being replaced with an empty spot on the stage, “as the Lord would desire of us.”

The bill was finally approved after hours of heated debate, including discussion on a compromise plan to repeal and replace it, with accusations of liberalism and apostasy flying around the room.

“If we vote to replace it, we’re no better than the liberals who had it installed in the first place,” Deacon Wes Brier said angrily to those gathered during the third hour of the emotionally charged meeting. “Repealing without replacing is the only way to go.”

The vote was 12-10 in favor of the repeal plan, with several leadership team members who had fallen asleep being unable to cast a vote.