MULESHOE, TX—Beaming with pride at the fruits of their labor, local parents Shelton and Leah Abbott were happy to report Wednesday that after years of attempting to illustrate God’s trinitarian nature to their child using simple analogies, he is now a staunch Modalist.
The realization reportedly came when Cooper, 9, declared his Halloween plans from the back seat of the family van last week. “I’ve got it, Mom,” the boy piped up. “I know what I’m gonna be for Halloween this year—an egg! So I can be just like the Trinity!”
“I was so overwhelmed with joy that I had to pull over,” Leah Abbott told reporters. “We’ve been trying to instill the basics of trinitiarian heresy since he was three. You know, how God is like gas, water, and ice. Or a three-leaf clover. Or candy corn! It was definitely a turning point last year when we explained how God is like the sun, heat, and light.”
Asked where she learned such illuminating analogies, Abbott was quick to credit her local Evangelical church. “Our pastor, Bob, is a great teacher. And he’s also an elder and a small group leader. One person with three roles—just like the Trinity.”