LifeWay Releases Fitbit For Tracking Spiritual Health

NASHVILLE, TN—According to a LifeWay press release, the Christian retail giant has teamed up with Fitbit in order to release a new spiritual health tracker, a wrist-worn device that keeps track of all your spiritual activity.

From raising hands in church and turning pages in your Bible to folding your hands to pray and serving soup at a homeless shelter, the Spiritual FitBit will let you know when you’re earning precious spiritual points and when you’re backsliding like a heathen.

“Our patented technology will let you set attainable spiritual goals for yourself and then see how you measure up,” LifeWay Head of R&D Martin Friar said Tuesday. “Chart your spiritual activity and even compete with your friends to see which one of you is the godliest.”

A complete list of spiritual activities the Spiritual Fitbit can track was added to LifeWay’s website as part of the product rollout:

  • Number of Bible pages turned
  • How many hands you shake in church each Sunday
  • How long you reflect on your sins before you take Communion
  • Your heart rate during Sunday’s sermon
  • How long your hands are folded in prayer each day
  • How vigorously you wave your hands around like a palm tree in a hurricane during the worship set
  • Altruistic activities
  • Number of tracts passed out each day
  • Number of words typed arguing with atheists on the internet

LifeWay even claims the advanced new Fitbit technology can deduct points for reading an inappropriate novel like the Fifty Shades of Grey series or for changing the television to an HBO Game of Thrones marathon.

“Does the good outweigh the bad in your everyday life? Find out with Spiritual Fitbit from LifeWay!” Friar added.