Large, Glowering Charles Spurgeon Cloud Hovers Menacingly Over Nation

U.S.—A massive, angry-looking cloud shaped like Baptist preacher Charles Haddon Spurgeon suddenly appeared over the nation overnight, sources at the National Weather Service and citizens on the ground across America confirmed Friday.

The large, menacing supercell seemed to feature Spurgeon’s face glaring menacingly in a look of disapproval, as thunder clapped from the heavens and lightning split the skies.

Apparently angered at the current state of the evangelical church in America, the cloud scowled at the entire country for several hours before slowly melting away into a blue sky.

As a result of the glorious appearing of the Prince of Preachers, scores of celebrity pastors rent their garments in repentance, and hundreds of seeker-sensitive churches immediately expressed their desire to return to a more Bible-centric practice of the Christian faith.