Keynote Speaker At Biblical Manhood Conference Definitely Wearing Women’s Pants

INDIANAPOLIS, IN—The keynote speaker at the God’s Design for Biblical Manhood Conference was definitely wearing a pair of women’s pants, sources attending the event confirmed Wednesday.

Clad in a form-fitting cashmere sweater with plunging neckline, oversized glasses, and pants that looked like they were designed for a 14-year-old girl, the speaker gave a 45-minute talk on what it meant to be a “real man of God.”

“God has specifically set up gender roles so that we can relate to each other as men and women as He designed,” he said, taking a moment re-spritz his hair with product. “God has called you men to lead your homes and show your wives that they can count on you to be a true, strong man of God.”

“It’s the butterfly design on the pockets that tipped us off,” attendee Carl Manning, 38, said. “A few people thought they were just super-trendy men’s pants, but as soon as we saw the rhinestones on the pockets, we knew for sure.”

“Plus, they just—I mean, you could just tell.”

At publishing time, sources had confirmed the speaker was stowing his MacBook Pro in a “messenger bag” that was almost certainly purchased in the purse section of a department store.