SAN LUIS OBISPO, CA—Expectant mother Erin Bruford was described as “glowing” as the five-months-pregnant woman enjoyed the company of her friends and family at her fetus shower this Thursday evening, thrown to celebrate the parasitic growth within her womb.
“Ooh, these outfits are so cute!” Bruford exclaimed as she opened yet another gift to help her in her first few months of motherhood, should she not decide to end the baby’s life at any moment.
“Should I choose to carry my adorable little blob of tissue full term, these will be super useful. Thanks, Aunt Trudy!”
Sources attending the event confirmed Bruford received dozens of gifts that would help her as long as she continues to arbitrarily grant her fetus personhood.
“I’m so thankful that I have the full support of my friends and family, whether or not I decide to terminate the tiny life that has hijacked my body.”
The women gathered also reportedly took part in fun, themed games, like “see who can estimate the size of the unwelcome lump within Erin’s womb,” and “pin the state that allows abortion at nine months on the map.”