LOS ANGELES, CA - While attending a wedding reception at a friend's beautiful Los Angeles home Friday afternoon, pastor-teacher John MacArthur performed a stunning miracle, turning all the reserves of wine in the house into fresh, clean water, witnesses claim.

The host of the marital celebration began to grow nervous when she realized she had left the wine out even though all her Baptist friends were coming over for the reception, and mentioned her predicament to MacArthur.

"Woman, why do you involve me? I brought my own Dasani, just in case there were alcoholic beverages," the pastor replied sternly.

But MacArthur eventually relented and agreed to help her. "Bring the wine to me." Closing his eyes and clenching his MacArthur Study Bible tightly, the preacher held a hand out and prayed over the bottles of wine. "Now, have the caterers pour from the bottles," he said.

The servers were amazed to discover that when they poured from the bottles of wine, cold, refreshing, completely non-alcoholic water came out instead of dangerous fermented fruit of the vine.

"Everyone always serves cheapo, generic brand water, but this is, like, Fiji water or something!" the host exclaimed, amazed as she drank the liquid that now could not possibly get anybody drunk. "Glory be to the Lord!"

At publishing time, MacArthur had fully healed a man of continuationism.