Jesus Gets Acceptance Letter To Yale Student’s Heart

NEW HAVEN, CT—In an academic environment that’s increasingly competitive, the thought of getting into a dream school can feel more like wishful thinking. But for the Son of God, dreams do come true.

Jesus, sovereign Lord of all creation, finally received the letter He had been hoping for—He has officially been accepted into a Yale student’s heart, sources confirmed Saturday afternoon.

Though the Messiah denied requests for an interview, a source close to Him confirmed that Jesus was absolutely ecstatic over the news. The same source noted that Jesus had gone to the Yale student’s heart a number of times, knocking incessantly, hoping to get some kind of answer. But patience prevailed, and Jesus will be Yale-bound this fall, residing in the heart of one Jimmy Walden.

While Yale is a tough environment, with many different social functions, ideologies, and friend competing for one’s attention, Jesus is reportedly confident He can continue to win over Walden’s heart and mind.

As one student advisor commented to reporters, “If this turns out to be a bad fit, there’s always re-acceptance or re-commitment a few years down the road.”