Introvert Hires Personal Representative To Engage In Church Small Talk

RALEIGH, NC—According to local reports, self-described introvert and church member Natalie Ivory has recently hired an outgoing, excitable young woman found on Craigslist to take care of all her church small talk needs.

Ivory first put her new interpersonal communications expert to work Sunday morning, as she entered her church building and was welcomed by an enthusiastic team of greeters. Directing the team to her representative, Ivory was freed up to sit in the church foyer and quietly read a book, diverting all greetings which threatened to exceed a brief “hello” directly to her delegate, who also proceeded to take care of the “say hi to your neighbor” time as well as all post-service small talk.

“It’s working out really well so far,” Ivory told reporters through her rep. “Extroverted church members get to interact with another excitable person, while I get to keep to myself without seeming rude.”

At publishing time, Ivory had reportedly booked the representative’s services for Sunday mornings and Wednesday night church functions through the remainder of the year, as well as securing her for family Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners.