SAN FRANCISCO, CA—The official idol factory in local man Wes Paul’s heart announced an increased production schedule Monday in anticipation of Amazon Prime Day, on which thousands of items will be available for Paul to covet at reduced prices and free Prime shipping.
“So much awesome stuff. So cheap!” Paul was heard muttering as he browsed products, ratcheting up his heart factory’s production. The factory pumps out new idols regularly for the man to worship, and is said to be especially busy during the annual Amazon sales event.
“Alright team, listen up,” the factory’s production manager said to a team of miniature factory workers preparing to meet the new, aggressive production schedule. “We’re gonna ramp things up by about 300%. We’re hitting electronics, sporting goods, and video games hard this year. Let’s look alive out there on the line, guys.”
At publishing time, workers were reportedly ahead of schedule, as Paul had wishlisted a set of golf clubs, a new Xbox One, and four new fishing reels, all of which he was certain would bring him lasting satisfaction.