Hopelessly Out-Of-Touch Church Still Playing Worship Song That Came Out Two Weeks Ago

KANSAS CITY, MO—A hopelessly out of touch, completely backwards church is still playing a worship song that came out a full two weeks ago, horrified attendees of Twin Hills Community Church confirmed Friday.

The church showed it is completely clueless and out of sync with the modern worship scene by playing the ancient, two-week-old Hillsong single which had been declared obsolete for over three days by the time the worship band began playing it on Sunday morning.

“The song’s so old that the congregation even knew some of the words—what a disaster,” Pastor Frank Bidwell told reporters. “We would like to apologize for ever letting this happen. It’s completely inexcusable. Somehow our usual vetting process to ensure that our songs are fresh out of the oven, so stinkin’ brand-new that even the worship leader can’t remember the words was circumvented. Those responsible have been fired.”

At publishing time, disgusted church members began to grow queasy after discovering the existence of something repulsive called “hymns.”