GOP Adopts Christie’s Sad, Bewildered Face As New Party Mascot

Explaining that it perfectly captures the essence of modern-day conservatism, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus announced that after 142 years the Republican elephant will be replaced by Chris Christie’s sad, bewildered face as the official mascot of the GOP.

“As I watched Donald Trump’s victory speech last night in Palm Beach, my focus was drawn over Trump’s right shoulder to Chris Christie’s despondent, perplexed face,” Priebus told
reporters at a press conference Wednesday morning. “I immediately knew that our search for a fresh mascot was over. The forlorn, dumbfounded face of a failed presidential candidate suffering an existential crisis while staring blankly in the general direction of a bloviating Donald Trump beautifully captures the reality of the new Republican Party.”

“I mean, just look at him,” he added, wiping tears from his eyes.