‘What Could Go Wrong With Amazon Key?’ Asks Man Who’s Never Watched Single Sci-Fi Film

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Confirming he had never watched the terrifying depictions of corporate technology present in Terminator 2, Blade Runner, Minority Report, or any other classic science fiction film, local man Dick Philips voiced his full support for the new Amazon Key smart lock system Friday.

“What could possibly go wrong, giving a massive corporation access to a video camera and the locks to my home?” Philips asked, before stating for the record he’d never actually caught 2001: A Space Odyssey or The Matrix. “I just don’t see how an international megacorporation could ever abuse technology in any way that would devastate civilization as we know it.”

“Why do you think a company camera comes with the product? So we can make sure everything is fine, that’s why,” he added.

At publishing time, Philips hadn’t even considered whether the Amazon Key system would grow sentient, take control of the world’s nuclear missiles, and enslave all humanity, sources confirmed.