Giant King James Bible Hurtling Toward Earth

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A team of NASA scientists somberly announced Wednesday that a large, leatherbound copy of the 1611 King James Bible has been spotted on a collision course with Earth.

The Authorized Version is expected to slam into the planet and take out all life next Friday.

“We first spotted the anomaly and assumed it was a large asteroid, but as we retrieved better images of the object it became clear we’re dealing with a massive King James Bible here,” NASA astronomer Dr. Frank Charles told reporters after releasing images of the massive Bible to the public. “Our working theory is that God was provoked to anger and just chucked the copy of the Scriptures right at the earth.”

NASA models predict the Bible will land square on American soil, devastating the world’s ecology and wiping out all life in a matter of weeks.