TOPEKA, KS—An ominous, gaping hole suddenly opening from deep underground has swallowed Westboro Baptist Church’s Topeka campus whole, sources confirmed Monday.
Witnesses claim a low rumbling sound preceded the phenomenon before the ground began shaking, opening a huge pit in the neighborhood just south of 12th Street.
Cars slammed into one another and onlookers watching in horror as the seemingly supernatural crevice in the earth grew wider and wider and Westboro’s building sunk lower and lower into the void.
When the dust settled, Westboro Baptist Church was completely gone, having been gobbled up by the violent natural disaster.
Miraculously, every other home and business nearby remained completely unharmed during the event.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this was some kind of warning or what-not,” local sheriff “Big” Pete Patterson told reporters. “It’s like it was specifically targeting Westboro.”