Facebook Will Now Automatically Drone Strike People Who Post Fake News

MENLO PARK, CA—Fake news has finally met its match in Mark Zuckerberg. The Facebook CEO announced Monday that his wildly successful social network will now “promptly and automatically” fly an MQ-1 Predator drone to the location of anyone who posts or shares an article that has been deemed “fake news,” and will obliterate the person with a Hellfire missile.

But that’s not all: the internet titan also revealed that the drone strikes can be unleashed by Facebook users upon anyone they disagree with.

That’s right. Just flag an item as “offensive” or “I don’t want to see this,” and Zuckerberg will honor his promise to blow your ideological enemy sky-high with a totally devastating and pinpoint accurate air-to-ground missile.

But don’t worry, brave social justice warriors: this feature is only enabled for those Facebook has identified as progressives, so you’ll be able to rid the world of your political foes while you’re safe in your own little Portland bungalow. You can now truly make the world a better place through your online battles!

Thanks to Mark Zuckerberg, it looks like it’s R.I.P. fake news!