MENLO PARK, CA—Responding to the recent data-hijacking scandal which has its stock price plummeting and lawmakers demanding an explanation, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg reminded everyone in a Facebook Live video Tuesday that the tech giant’s official terms of service specifically allow for it or any third party to utilize data it collects to engage in nefarious, Orwellian social engineering of any type it chooses.
“I checked the news this morning to find out that everyone is still up in arms over this Cambridge Analytica situation,” Zuckerberg explained in the Facebook video. “I would just direct everyone to our terms of service, which clearly state that we can and will surveil every moment of your lives and then use all of that data to perform all sorts of mind-bending social experiments straight out of a dystopian nightmare.”
The young tech billionaire went on to stress that the same terms also grant third parties unlimited use of user data once it’s purchased from Facebook, even if that means doing things “the likes of which you’d learn about in an unsettling 20th-century history class lecture.”
“You signed up for this, you gave us all your data,” Zuckerberg added. “Dumb [expletive].”
At publishing time, Facebook’s 2.2 billion users fully accepted the explanation and went on to joyfully continue using the service as if nothing had happened.