Exciting New Hillsong Album Ruins Over 30 Hymns

SYDNEY, AU—A new Hillsong United album promises to ruin over 30 classic hymns, the popular Australian worship group announced Wednesday.

The record, entitled Hymns of Victory, features a treasure trove of hymns reworked in the worst possible ways, a band spokesperson confirmed.

“We’ve taken almost three dozen time-honored hymns and just absolutely mangled them,” the spokesperson said. “We’re talking unsingable melodies, distracting harmonies, new bridges that don’t have anything to do with the lyrics of the original song—the works.”

“You’ll never be able to sing ‘Amazing Grace’ the same way,” he added ominously.