WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a recent trip to the White House to brief President Trump on his consistency in defending him against any and all naysayers, First Baptist Dallas pastor and evangelical leader Robert Jeffress assured Trump that he would never leave or betray him, no matter what.

"Even if everyone else deserts you, I never will," an impassioned Jeffress promised the president.

Trump reportedly replied, "I tell you truth, Robert - this very night, if a few more of the morally repugnant things I've done in the past were to come out, you would deny three times that you even know me." An emotional Jeffress is said to have shot back, "Even if I have to die with you, I will never deny you!"

The pastor went on to assure the president that not a single thing could come to light about his past or present life, no matter how disgusting and depraved, that would cause him to stop delivering full-throated defenses and endorsements of Trump on Fox News every single time he is called upon.