NEW YORK CITY, NY—The entire New York metropolitan area was blanketed in a bizarre manufactured fog for several hours Sunday morning after staff at Baywatch Church accidentally left a foyer door cracked open, allowing the artificial mist from the church’s Sunday service to billow out into the community.
The church uses a specially modified fog machine designed to pump out 400 times the recommended amount of fog, in addition to a proprietary, specially concentrated formula for the machine’s fluid, allowing the church to create a dense, moody atmosphere every service.
But when an usher failed to close a door all the way, the church suddenly found itself supplying its state-of-the-art, worshipful fog to the entire community.
Cars careened into one another and rampant looting began all over the town as visibility quickly hit zero, all while churchgoers at Baywatch Church continued worshiping as normal, totally unaware of the havoc their exported worship experience was causing all over the Tri-State Area.
“This isn’t the first church-caused artificial fog disaster, and it won’t be the last,” a National Guard disaster response team member told reporters as giant industrial fans were brought in to begin dispersing the fog. “All we can ask is for our churches to please fog responsibly.”