Dozens Injured In Youth Pastor Dabbing Attempt

MONTGOMERY, AL—At Fireball Youth Group’s exciting, fun community youth nights, Pastor Tad Ryle makes it a point to connect with this generation’s teenagers by speaking their language and occasionally even indulging in their dance moves.

But at last Friday’s event, Ryle took his cross-generational outreach a little too far, injuring dozens of teens with a “sick dab” as Audio Adrenaline’s “Big House” blasted from the church’s stereo system.

“His arm flew out like a cannonball, knocking over three or four kids right away,” a witness told reporters later as ambulances arrived at the scene. “Then he started doing this weird thing with his leg as he spun around, taking out another fifteen kids or so.”

The witness further stated that the 38-year-old youth pastor continued his dabbing for the duration of the song, unaware of the destruction he had wrought. But at long last, parents arriving to pick their kids up spotted the man twisted in horrifying shapes as part of his misguided dab attempt, and managed to wrestle him to the ground.

At publishing time, Ryle had been demoted from youth group to the fifth- and sixth-grade ministry, with church leaders confirming the new position was the “absolute bottom rung of the ladder” usually reserved only as a punishment for wayward pastors.