Crock-Pot Introduces New 430-Gallon Model: ‘The Baptist’

BOCA RATON, FL—In an exciting breakthrough, representatives for Crock-Pot’s research and development team confirmed Monday that they are prepared to release their largest high-end model to date: “The Baptist,” a giant, 430-gallon slow-cooker.

The Jacuzzi-sized Crock-Pot can prepare enough chili, stew, or questionably cooked chicken to feed thousands.

“Our Baptist customers kept demanding larger and larger Crock-Pots,” a rep told reporters. “They asked, and we listened. The Baptist now allows you to get a jump-start on next month’s potluck by slow-cooking thousands of pounds of beef for weeks at a time.”

The model requires a separate high-output generator to run, and can be towed to your church’s potluck or other event with an optional trailer-hitch package. The model will also be sold with a giant serving spoon.

At publishing time, representatives had confirmed that when filled with water, the new Crock-Pot model was large enough to carry out a full-immersion baptism.