HEAVEN—An angelic representative for Chick-fil-A confirmed Wednesday morning that its restaurants located in Heaven are open seven days a week, rather than closing on Sundays as the fast food chain’s earthly locations are known for.
The statement was released in response to “literally millions” of prayers and petitions from Christians concerned about the operating hours of the establishment in the heavenly realms.
“There is no death, nor mourning, nor crying, nor pain, nor excellent chicken sandwich establishments closing their doors for 24 hours each week, for the former things have passed away,” the heavenly messenger confirmed, adding also that normal business hours do not apply in glory, and the beloved purveyor of moist chicken never closes.
“It just wouldn’t be paradise if citizens of the Kingdom couldn’t rely on getting a warm chicken sandwich 24 hours a day, seven days a week,” he added.
At publishing time, sources had been able to confirm that workers would still be asked to say “my pleasure” in response to any simple request from patrons in heaven.