College Football Now Nation’s Largest Religion

U.S.—Replacing Christianity, which had held the title since the nation was founded, college football has officially become the largest organized religion in the United States, reports confirmed. The polytheistic religion claims many millions of adherents, each of whom passionately worships a local team deity.

“It was just a matter of time, given followers’ extreme devotion, zeal, and willingness to proselytize—and an uptick in conversions since last season sent NCAA football straight to the top spot,” a Pew Research spokesman told reporters Tuesday. “College football fans readily fill entire large stadiums for worship—sometimes exceeding 100,000 people for a single service.”

The spokesperson also stated that worship services regularly feature passionate displays of adoration like decorative dress, feasting, cheering, jumping up and down, and screaming all kinds of expletives at rival deities throughout the service.

It’s tough times for Christianity, as experts predict the religion will also be passed by Beyonce worship before the end of the year.