Church Surveys Community To Discover Which Doctrines It Should Abandon To Get Them In The Door
Church · Feb 3, 2017 · BabylonBee.com

INDIANAPOLIS, IN - In a bid to better understand the community surrounding the popular megachurch, Lifevision Church leaders reportedly conducted a survey among neighborhood residents over the past week, asking which historic Christian doctrines the church could jettison in order to get people in the door on Sunday mornings.

The short survey, administered by a team of door-to-door volunteers, asked residents how long they had lived in the area, what religion they identified with if any, and which Christian beliefs they found abhorrent, "so that we can best decide which teachings to part with in order to pander to non-believers."

"Which of the following historic positions can we toss out the window to cater to your sensibilities?" the survey reads. "Please check all that apply." The one-page questionnaire then lists over thirty orthodox Christian positions that the church is happy to disown at a moment's notice, including salvation by Christ alone, the holiness of God, the deity of Christ, a traditional view of marriage, and dozens more.

In an interview, head visioneering pastor Mark Lyle told a local news station he's excited for the opportunity to scuttle core doctrines of the Christian faith "for the sake of the gospel."

"Lots of churches talk about 'essentials' - what's essential to us is getting people in the door," Lyle said. "There are literally tons of indispensable doctrines we are happy to fling by the wayside, should they make you feel uncomfortable. Just let us know."


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