Church Solves Tardiness Problem By Volunteering All Latecomers To Children’s Ministry

LAKEBROOK, MS—Every church struggles with tardy folks—people who waltz in like they own the place a half-hour after the service starts. But one church in Lakebrook may finally have solved the issue once and for all: Lakebrook Community Church is now automatically volunteering all latecomers to serve in the church’s children’s ministry.

One month after instituting the new policy, church officials claim tardiness dropped off almost entirely.

“Anyone who is more than five minutes late will automatically be signed up for the 2–3 year olds’ class the following Sunday,” Pastor Rob said at a church business meeting several weeks ago. “No exceptions, and no excuses.”

According to the church, even a brief stint dealing with the horrors of the young toddlers in the church’s Kid Zone children’s ministry program is enough to make any church member shape up in no time.

“An hour or two taking toddlers to the bathroom, frantically trying to get Play-Doh out of a kid’s hair, and trying to preserve your sanity while the youngsters climb all over you like you’re some kind of jungle gym is more than enough time for the chronically tardy to rethink their actions,” the pastor said. “It’s tough love, but somebody’s gotta do it.”