Church Service Canceled After Guitar Cable Identifies As Female

ARLINGTON, TX—Services at Highwater Church were called off at the last moment Sunday morning after the worship leader’s guitar cable suddenly announced it would be identifying as a female, sources confirmed Thursday.

According to worship leader Vince “Capo” Becerril, he attempted to plug the cable into the female connection on his Gibson Les Paul Custom guitar, but was informed by the high-end quarter-inch guitar cable that it was “really a female” and was henceforth demanding to be utilized as such, otherwise it would not participate in further services.

When Becerril attempted to argue with the cable, pointing out that it that it was clearly the male counterpart to the female connection and reminding the piece of musical equipment that service was starting just a few minutes, he was called a “bigot” and informed that he was on the wrong side of history.

With no lead guitar and no other options, Highwater Church was forced to cancel services, letting church members and visitors know that they could enjoy services at any of their eight other local satellite campuses that afternoon.