Church Computer Gets Long-Awaited Upgrade To Windows 98

PINEWOOD HILLS, KY—Grace Baptist’s church office computer has finally been replaced with a long-awaited upgrade to an “all-new” Windows 98 machine, sources confirmed Wednesday.

A proposal to upgrade the Windows 3.1 machine to a Windows 98 unit has been languishing in a church subcommittee for six months, but the measure narrowly passed with a 9-8 vote on the leadership committee, the church of 30 members announced.

“We’re really excited. I mean, this puppy has a Pentium III with 733 MHz of pure, unadulterated processing muscle,” Pastor Frank told reporters. “We went with the increased RAM option to get the full 128 MB the motherboard supports, plus we upgraded the storage to 20 gigabytes.”

“20 gigabytes is more than anyone will ever need,” he added.

At publishing time, the church had voted to go back to the Windows 3.1 machine, as the church secretary was not fond of the new operating system’s startup sound.