Church Bassist Asked To Play In Darkened Storage Closet

ALBANY, OR—In order to make room for several new background singers who recently had successful auditions with the Fire Church worship team, church bassist Lyle Edelman was asked to play his bass guitar lines from a darkened storage closet Sunday morning, sources confirmed.

Edelman set up his Crate amp in the usual spot and began fiddling with the knobs and tuning his bass guitar, only to have worship leader Tim “Tebow” Mollison gently tap him on the shoulder.

“Hey bud, um, this is a little awkward, but do you think you can set up over in the custodial closet?” Mollison reportedly asked. “It’s just that we’re gonna spread Jen, Mindy, and Sarah out over here. It’s gonna look so sick with all of us spaced out on the stage perfectly like a concert.”

Edelman then reluctantly packed up his equipment and set it up in dark and dank janitorial closet, utilizing a long XLR cable to hook himself into the church’s state-of-the-art sound system.

“I’m just happy my bass was actually turned on in the house mix this week,” Edelman said later, as no one had the heart to break it to him that the sound guy had turned him completely off, sources confirmed.