PORTLAND, OR—The very foundations of Christianity, a two-thousand-year-old religion with countless adherents worldwide, were shaken Tuesday evening, as local atheist and freethinker Bert Cooper left a Facebook comment in which he referred to the Christian God as a “magic invisible friend.”
The explosive commentary was reportedly penned in response to a Christian’s post thanking God for getting her through a tough day, sources confirmed.
“Yeah, go and pray to your magic, invisible friend in the sky,” Cooper wrote, launching the missive that may bring about the end of Christendom as we know it. “Stupid fundie.”
Believers around the globe are said to be walking away from the faith in droves after reading the earth-shattering comment, with numerous Christian leaders publicly expressing a newfound doubt in their previously rock-solid beliefs.
“I know I wrote some books on apologetics, but I just don’t know anymore,” pastor and author Timothy Keller wrote on his Twitter account. “I’m going to have to take some time to process this unassailable ‘magic invisible friend’ comment.” Keller further reported he’s taking some time off from his pastoring and writing as he works through whether or not he believes in God anymore.
An alarming number of pastors from around the globe issued similar statements throughout the day, according to sources.
At publishing time, an emergency Pew Research study had found that Christianity had declined over 85% in the U.S. alone overnight, entirely due to Cooper’s comment.