MESA BLUFFS, AZ—Although local believer Drew Baker has been to several Taylor Swift concerts and owns the popular country-pop singer’s entire discography, he still denied knowing anything about her three times while milling about in the courtyard outside the doors of First Baptist Church Sunday morning, sources confirmed.
According to witnesses, Baker was seen idly humming the tune to “You Belong With Me,” prompting the pastor’s daughter standing nearby to ask if he was a follower of Swift’s work. “No, I am not,” he said gruffly.
“You’re one of Taylor Swift’s fans, aren’t you?” a church door greeter said shortly afterward, but Baker shook his head vigorously. “I am not! I only listen to Christian music like the Newsboys and DC Talk!” he cried out.
Finally, a kid from the youth group listening in on the conversation piped in. “Yeah, didn’t I see you at Taylor’s 1989 World Tour?”
“No, I don’t even know who she is! Lay off me!” Baker yelled, startling those around him.
But at that very moment, his phone sounded its “Blank Space” ringtone, and he went out to the church parking lot and wept bitterly, according to witnesses.