Chris Pratt Latest To Leave Hollywood In Shame After Inflicting Prayer On Others

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Guardians of the Galaxy star Chris Pratt shocked fans Monday when he admitted on Twitter that he was “praying” for Clerks director Kevin Smith, who suffered a heart attack Sunday night. Pratt is the latest in a long line of Hollywood elites who are guilty of using fame and power to accost those in lower positions with unsolicited acts of prayer. Smith, who was in a hospital bed at the time of the prayer, could do very little to prevent Pratt’s alleged unprovoked supplications.

Flooded by outrage, Pratt’s Twitter account was taken down and his contract with United Talent Agency was abruptly ended. “We can’t associate ourselves with a man who prays on others,” said UTA director Peter Benedek. It was announced Tuesday that Pratt would also be removed from the upcoming Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; the film will go through a last minute reshoot with Christopher Plummer recast in the lead role.

“We’re going to remake every season of Parks and Recreation,” said a spokesperson for NBC Universal. Pratt will be erased completely from the series. Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn also announced Pratt’s role would be replaced with a marmot, citing both Pratt’s supplicatory behavior and the studio’s desire to capitalize on the popularity of Rocket Raccoon.

As of publishing time, Chris Pratt has remained fairly quiet, though his assistant released a statement that he denies any allegations that he engaged in “unwanted prayers” or “acts of imprecation” and that “all beseechments to a higher power have been a product of good intentions.”