EDMOND, OK—Local man Peter Worthington dutifully took notes in the margins of his Bible Wednesday as he flipped through its pages and googled some passages, hopping around various questionable websites and filling the blank spaces at the edge of the page with “complete and total heresy,” sources confirmed.
Worthington was reportedly struck with inspiration at several of the websites’ explanations of texts, and scribbled totally unbiblical ideas and conclusions next to the text.
“God is lonely without me, and died so He could not be so alone!” Worthington wrote next to Romans 8, completely missing the point of the chapter and sermon. “Thank you FATHER for dying for me!” he added at the bottom of the page, totally butchering the biblical teachings on the crucifixion and Trinity in one fell swoop.
After stumbling upon a Jehovah’s Witness website, he went on to enthusiastically scribble “GOD MADE JESUS” next to Hebrews 1:5, in a classic example of damnable Arianism.
At publishing time, Worthington had stumbled upon notes he had written many years ago in Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus, and fondly looked over the scrawlings that contained nothing but blatant theological errors.